Mind Wiggles

I start my new job tomorrow.

I left my last job at the end of June and have been running my own firm since then. I’ve had some free time, but wasn’t fully able to enjoy it. Being unproductive for too long is unnerving. I believe the medical term for the condition of my brain is, “wiggly.” Slothfulness is only fun when there is an end in sight.

“I’m sorry I peed”

I accepted the new position a couple weeks ago and was granted a license to test the limits of human inactivity. I have spent the majority of that time reading and trying to prevent my dog from saturating the carpet with puny puddles of puppy pee.

As a personal favor, I will now save you time and money by providing one sentence summaries of the books I read in descending order of recommendation:

  • The Art of Raising A Puppy: “Dogs and humans are not that different”
  • The New Jim Crow: “End the war on drugs and overhaul the criminal justice system”
  • Hillbilly Elegy: “Poverty robs people of opportunities”
  • Dark Money: “Billionaires ruin democracy”
  • Take Your Eye Off the Ball: “Peyton Manning is not dumb” (sung to the tune of the Nationwide jingle)
  • Democracy for Realists: “Is it worth it to truly inform yourself?”
  • Dark Matter and the Dinosaurs: “Not enough about dinosaurs”

Between reading and cleaning up my puppy’s indiscretions, I also compiled a list of movies that I am physically incapable of turning off regardless of how far into the movie I turn it on.

  • The Count of Monte Cristo: “Proving you need to get educated to get even”
  • Jurassic Park: “I root for the dinosaurs”
  • Imitation Game: “We all owe Alan Turing a huge debt of gratitude”
  • Pride and Prejudice: “Please don’t judge me”
  • Interstellar: “Matthew McConaughey in space discussing theoretical physics”
  •  Tom Hanks: “This man is a national treasure”
  • National Treasure: “The treasure at the end should have been Tom Hanks”

I’ve enjoyed my time off but I am overdue for a return to the world of productivity. If having a real job doesn’t pan out maybe I can get a job writing one sentence reviews of books and movies for the New York Times.


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